Monday, May 6, 2013

I'm Crazy and I Have a Gun!

Hi everybody!  Hope you all had a fine Cinco de Mayo!  It was wild here at the maximum security psychiatric facility!  We had a swell time with the construction paper making ponchos and sombreros.  We pretended to be Mexicans, shouting, "Fuego!" or  "Dos cerveza por favor!" or "Mi aerodeslizador esta lleno de anguilas!" (which means, 'My hovercraft is full of eels' and doesn't have anything to do with Cinco de Mayo but we like it anyway.)  The tacos and burritos went air borne as usual and the re-fried beans stuck to our faces real well.  Of course, the Mariachi music was playing full blast so it seemed like a good time to put Phyllis through orientation.

Phyllis arrived here on April 1st but wasn't up to socializing for a few days.  It takes awhile to get on meds and become somewhat conscious of reality.  Phyllis got picked up because she was waging her own little war with imaginary people, but using a real shotgun.  By the time they dug her out of her bomb shelter she was a real mess.  So we took great care showing her how to start a food fight, wreck the arts and crafts room and pick the lock on the elevator.  I think she'll fit right in.

That reminds me!  I got a letter from my actual old friend Mary Theresa.  She and I were great pals back in the day and worked together at a mud wrestling establishment.  We liked to hang out at the local biker club and had many a riotous adventure.  One time we went to the roof of the club house and threw shingles at the police when they came to arrest our buddies for whatever stupid excuse they could come up with.  Anyway, I thought you, my faithful readers, would enjoy reading the letter.  Everybody here got a kick out of it.  (We always share our letters.)

Dear Nanabanana,

Long time no shit!  I'm writing from the county jail while the sphincters of authority decide what to do with me.  Guess they didn't like it when I showed up at Governor Ricky Snyder's house.  I took along my AK47 and shot a few rounds in the air while I was yelling, "I'm crazy and I have a gun!"  They didn't even know a crazy people's rights activist when they saw one!
Of course, I'm twisted and I can prove it, so buying a gun was easy.  Gun dealers have no problem selling all the weapons a lunatic wants, since there's no background checks that track us, yet.  Makes it a lot easier to fight the good fight, bringing insanity into the light of day and demanding that 2nd Amendment rights are not withheld from the mentally disturbed.
Well, maybe I should change that to made it a lot easier to fight the good fight, since I've been denied my 2nd Amendment rights already.  Respect runs short for us psychos, doesn't it?  Sure hope you're doing OK.  Maybe I'll get sent to your place and we can form an insane political activists gang!  We, the psychotic, disenfranchised misanthropes gotta stick together!  Here's a photo of me in my glory.  Send me a photo of you if you can.

Stay cool,
Mary Theresa

Now, I didn't see any news on Mary Theresa's story, so I have to wonder if she's not exaggerating a tad.  After all, she really is a nut case.  The only other explanation I can think of is that they kept the story under wraps so more psychos wouldn't stop by to visit the Governor.  I'm betting Mary Theresa will be contacting every wacko she knows to push her agenda and Snyder will be having more guests real soon.  And why not?  Isn't that what democracy is all about?  

 The top photo is Mary Theresa.  The guys here at the facility think the bottom photo is what she ought to look like.  (Perverts.)

Well, that's all for now folks!  Load 'em if you got 'em and buy 'em if you don't.  (Guns, not boobs.)