Huzzah! Christmas was a wonderful day! There were lots of different things to eat. I really liked my slice of ham. Added a smear of gravy and it stuck to the wall very nicely. Rita took all the napkins and stuffed them in her pants. She said she was a snow man and looked the part so we all applauded. Earl, Roy and Angus did the Can Can and mooned us, as usual. When the chefs came in to gather the refuse we saluted them with confetti. It was actually Chex Mix and popcorn, but they took it with good humor. I was feeling quite mellow and gazed with tepid affection at all the antics of my psycho buddies. It's at times like this that I feel much saner than the others and it gives me a heartening sense of superiority. Who can resist the comforting notion that there are others worse off? This observation lead my nimble mind to go visiting other ways we quantify and qualify each other.
Everybody knows the ordinary requirements to fit in any given group. Everything from race to shoe size. If someone defies inclusion in set categories it's a bit disturbing. Like those Goth kids. They're kind of crazy looking. I knew a guy who lived in a tree. Very nice guy. Very quiet. Many would call that crazy but he was a sculptor too, so it's OK. If you try to break the world record for eating hot dogs you're not crazy. If you think you're the reincarnation of Evita Peron you might be riding the crazy fence. A notch or two up the scale are people who are delusional to their own detriment. Bennie could tell you about that but he thinks he's Houdini. When Bennie decided to cut a hole in the frozen Detroit River and act out Houdini's daring escape, he became a problem. Personally, I think many other people should be included in Bennie's group. People like Timothy Treadwell, who spent years with the grizzly bears until they ate him. Or guys who climb Mount Everest. What are they thinking? Or my dearly departed husband Dwight, who went to swim with the sharks. PAID to swim with the sharks. They ate him. It was a small funeral. Or how about NASCAR? Is that really sane? You get the picture.
Very smart, very right.