Sunday, November 25, 2012

A Friend In Deed

Today, within the walls of this charming psychiatric facility, I made a friend!  At least I think he's a friend. He got sent here because he smoked some of that weed stuff and a lot of that meth stuff.  Now that he's stopped twitching he seems quite nice.  So what if he burned down the forest he was living in.  He didn't mean it.  That meth stuff he was making just blew up all by itself!  I LOVE explosions so we have something in common.   Now he walks around with two fingers in a V shape and says, "Piece, man!"  Isn't that nice?  I think he's offering to have sex with me, but I don't need it.  My psychiatrist said sex was calming so he let me have a long rubber thing to have sex with.  I named him Adolph.   Not my psychiatrist, the rubber thing.  I don't know what my psychiatrist's name is.  He won't tell me.  I just call him Dr. Idiot.  Anyway, I think I have a friend.   I can talk to him and he doesn't even run away!  Of course, he's usually heavily sedated, so he couldn't run anywhere if he wanted to.  So the other day my new friend said, "Piece, man!"  I said, "Piece of what? Your toenail?"  He laughed and laughed until he started drooling.  Then that big chef took him away.  I guess it was time for his dinner.  Not much of a chef, that one.  He feeds us a lot of baloney, but I like baloney.   I bite a hole in the middle and hang it on my ear.  That way I can smell it until the chef takes it away.  Have a nice day everyone!   Just remember, if you enjoy blowing things up don't dance around laughing like my friend did.  There's so many people who can't appreciate an alternate life style.